I've been turtle shelling into my own world this past weekend. Although, this weekend has been relatively pleasant being in the solitary confines of my appartment. I just need to put some of my more negative thoughts down. Yes, I'm essentially just talking to myself once again.
Over two years ago, I was betrayed by someone I absolutely trust. And although, I may have broken that trust on my end a few times, it was always very minor and I always tried to make up for it. You would think that after going through a major betrayal ordeal, and licking your wounds, you would be able to discern who are true people that you can really trust.
Apparently, my naivete continues even in the realm of strong friendship. Even though this friend does have reasons for doing what he did, he fell to cowardice and breaking the very integrity that bonded us together in the first place. He forgot that the I personally uphold the "favor card" concept to my closest of friends. When you pull this card on me, I will go to great lengths to help you on whatever problem you have. However, there are conditions to this concept. These are the following:
1. The help that you need shouldn't break my core sense of values. What is wrong to do will still be wrong even in your time of need. I might be willing to bend my values a little. But I will never make a huge deviation from it.
2. Favor cards are excersized by giving me a "choice". Allow me to make the decision myself to help you. Do not assume I will just come to your rescue one day, while keeping me in the dark the entire time.
I always felt that the two conditions were not too much to ask with a really good friend. But apparently, it is too much to ask. Apologies in this case, seem like lies and ultimately insulting.
This situation along with other similar issues this past month, has left me not knowing who I can really trust. The only remaining people I do trust are my family and friends that I have known for eons. Anybody else are now just mere acquaintances to me. Or at least that's just my knee-jerk reaction everytime I'm faced with a situation with people.
Money Driven People
Continuing the trail of mistrust, what's worse is that money seems to be at the center of how a lot of people treat me.
The betrayal I spoke of earlier involved a considerable amount of my money, which came at the expense of what I can provide for my parents even.
Another friend always wants to have fun more than his monetary means. He keeps asking me to hang. But I keep ending up shelling a lot of money for him. It's getting quite irritaing. A common friend of ours told me that he's just young. Hence why he acts that way. I understand that. But it doesn't mean it doesn't bug me regardless.
I shell out money for this or that in the office as well. What pains me is that it's becoming increasingly an expectation. I have never liquated anything out of the kindess of my heart. But I'm starting to grow unwilling to shell out money.
What is starting to become a pet peeve of mine, is when people take pot shots at me saying "mayaman ka naman eh". I'm nowhere near rich. Yes, I am well off. But I too have to budget my money. So I can pay for my expenses, give money to my parents, live the life I want to lead, and save on top of that. I'm actually not even doing a pretty good job at it. If I was rich, then I would've spent truck loads of money on things by now. If money was no object, I wouldn't mind treating a whole barangay worth of people and not even flinch. So stop people, it's annoying.
The Universal Meantime Concept
Years ago there was this rant that circulated the web from a girl who desribes herself as a "Meantime Girl". For those of you who haven't read this particular entry, here is the link.
The general female populace rose up and started proclaiming this concept to be true, pointing a finger at the male species.
I admit that some of us guys do that to women. But the point I'm trying to make is that women do it to men too. It's just none of you women see it that way, let alone admit that you are doing such a thing.
For those of you who have boyfriends and husbands, you seem to think that some of us guys are the "stop gap measure", who you draw attention and affection from when you feel your man doesn't give you enough. You made your choice. You have made your committment. Stick with that committment. If you feel your man isn't giving you the attention and affection you need, then leave them cleanly. Then pursue happiness the right way. There is a common occurrence with girls that like "playing it safe". Meaning they would rather cover their bases and "get to know" their next guy to be sure their current guy is worth leaving. And women says men are assholes. Girls are so capable of it too.
For those of you that are single, take a good hard look at how you treat your supposed guy friends, and stop wondering why your guy friends start acting strangely after a while when you don't reciprocate all the way through. Guys are capable of having good friends that are girls. But there are actions and words said that are meant to scream that you see them more than friends. If you don't feel that way about a person, then stop doing those things. It's a simple as that. Keep that up and you'll eventually run into some asshole guy. And wonder why you were so maltreated.
Meantime girl, psh. You can easily change the gender of that entry, and watch the throngs of us nerds, geeks, and dorks react the same way girls did upon reading it. It is these kinds of guys that join me in rooting for fictional characters like "Mouth" in this cheesy TV series called "One Tree Hill". Luckily for Mouth, other female characters in the show pine after him as the latter seasons came in.
The Trifecta Result
I love these trifecta results. You'll notice it in a number of my blog entries in the past.
The Trifecta Result this time are the following:
1. I no longer know who to trust.
2. People treat me like money more than a human being.
3. Women should stop "stop gapping" guys too.
I don't know who I can trust anymore; both personally and professionally. I feel like going scrooge on everyone with the money that I have. I just want to stay away from people in general.
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