Monday, August 25, 2008

Random Thoughts this Weekend...

-I hate the word "noob", especially when you're non-confrontational. Wish people would come up with a better descriptor than that to sling at someone. Some people seem to only have "noob" and "bakla" as part of their vocabulary.

-I spent three days doing absolutely nothing. I just stayed couped up in my turtle-shell of an appartment. I was able to rest and relax. But what did I really accomplish? I have album recording and a number of projects I've thought of doing in the past. But I did none of them this weekend.

-It's funny that the two songs I've written, happen to be post break-up songs. It's not about those two ex-girlfriends per se. It's about my emotions and feelings back then. So try not to feel special ladies. I wrote them because you gave me so much pain in the past.

-I only realized that I ordered food from Rufo's for 3 consecutive days, when the girl on the phone didn't bother asking me for my address anymore. So I cooked on the 4th day.

-I keep a few close friends but none keep in touch much. So I suppose I'll just rephrase it to "keeping a few friends".

-I didn't play any of my percussion instruments even once this entire long weekend. I don't know why exactly. Just didn't feel like it I guess. It's supposed to be the one thing I'm proud of in my life. But I didn't pick up even my bongos this weekend.

-I wish I had a "best friend", like Harold and Kumar. Someone who I can just call and drag to Amsterdam (for obvious legal reasons), or to Switzerland (to go buy a Hang Drum). Or someone to call me and yank me somewhere because he needed me. [This is me NOT turning gay, trust me]

-Playing guitar and singing here in my appartment always seems to calm me down or toughen me up. It's a good thing the walls of my place are thick. Otherwise, the neighbors would come knocking on my door complaining if they hear me singing at the top of my lungs in the wee hours of the morning.

-I watched Death Note for the Nth time and finished it. Watashi wa Kira desu. And for the Nth time I found myself cheering the bad guy on. I wish I had a Death Note. Not because I want to kill someone. But to just have that kind of ability to do so. I always say that I probably wouldn't use it if I had one. But you never know once you've tested it. And that's what scares me actually.

-A friend once said, "Bembang lang, wag girlfriend agad. Ikaw kasi may mabembang ka lang gi-girlfriend-nin mo na agad." Those lines speak truth and practicality. But it saddens that it has to be so in this world. To think the friend who told me this is a girl even. [And no I'm not interested in my friend]. And it's equally saddening that a lot things, like relationships, have to be driven by sexual intercourse. I'm as horny as the next guy. But I suppose I don't act on it as impulsively for fear of hurting someone, even myself, along the way.

-Closed Beta Testing for Dekaron SEA ends at the stroke of midnight tonight. Something saddens me about getting my level 68 Vicious Summoner wiped. Especially since that's what I did for the majority of this weekend. My World of Warcraft account is being neglected because of Dekaron.

-A friend said "[Insert Name], look at your future.", referring to me as the representation of this guy's future in a few years. I found it funny because the joke insinuates that person's wretched future or something like that. Perhaps it's not a joke. And this situation of mine is wretched. My only recourse now then is to aim to be filthy rich and go out with a bang like what Jack Nicholson did in the movie "Bucket List". Filthy rich and nothing else to hold on to. That doesn't seem like a bad outcome. But then I'd have to get filthy rich first. I wonder how I'm going to do that.

-I haven't gigged in weeks. I think I'm going through gig-withdrawal-symptoms. I wonder if other good bands would want to get a percussionist like me? I'd ask Wowee or Jinky of Jazz Volunteers if I can jam with them again. But I choked the last time I played with them. I need my gig fix soon or I'll just go crazy. None of my bandmates, except Briggs, replied to my text about a possible gig at Bela Bar. I guess they're all busy at the moment. Sayang. It's no wonder I always want to bring a guitar and bongos to inuman sessions. At least I get to play a little.

-Damn, this large bed that my appartment came with. You can fit a small Igurot village on this bed. It's cool when you have a girl with you. But I find it totally space consuming now that I have the whole place to myself.

-I've been downloading useless movie trilogies lately. The ones where the first movie was decent and then the sequels after that were B-movie renditions of the first movie. It's so odd that I decide to download those.

-People say I'm a very eligible bachelor. Although, most of the time I think it's bullshit. Good education, Nice family, Works hard, Earns well, Musically inclined, Eloquent english speaker, Nice guy (Notice that I didn't mention good looks, I'm pretty far away from ever being good looking). I think that's all just initial hype until one gets to know me more. I'm ultimately boring, as demonstrated by people who leave after some time. The financial stability, english speaking, guitar playing, and percussions, all wear thin in the long run. One will soon find a "better deal" elsewhere. Someone more interesting, that's not too hard to find I bet.

-The new black couch is great. I sprawl on it every time I watch a movie, tv series, or anime on my 32" LCD TV.

-It's funny that when you try your hardest to help people that you metaphorically get thrown mud in your face for even trying. It's even more funny that other people think THEY did you favor when you were the one helping them. Emotions are running high. I can understand that. But it seems I'm the only one being mindful of others. I shouldn't try so hard to help. I end up rendering myself handicapped to help my own people.

-What's good for me, while doing right by my friends and family. Standards are placed as a filter to ensure that you select the best partner. I don't even know what's good for me, nor what I like in a girl these days. And who am I to have "standards"? Ang kapal ko naman. Not like I measure up to other people's standards either.

-I truly believe in reciprocation. I give back 10 times fold the kindness shown to me. But somehow I'm starting to become selfish. The only thing I hate about the concept is the immediate and exaggerated expectation of reciprocation. Someone gives a little and they expect a whole lot more to be given in return back to them. But when kindness isn't returned after a while, you start feeling used all of a sudden. You start to wonder what the meaning of "friends" really means to these people.

-I wonder when I'm going to get my ass back to Puerto Galera. I miss jamming with Turtle Club, Joel, Pino, and Kiddo, at CocoAroma. I miss just sitting on the beach listening to an audiobook because I'm too lazy to read. I used to be all gung-ho about just throwing some clothes in my backpack, grabbing my guitar or bongos, and heading off to the beach alone. What happened to that? I can't even go to Galeria to watch a friend's indie film alone these days. I need to get that back.

-Naruto Shippuden and Bleach always manage to put a smile on my face. Too bad the new episodes don't come in frequently enough.

-I seem to be the go-to guy for people who need to borrow money, who need a job, or need a character reference in their resumes. Although I help people out as much I can, I always wonder when will I ever rely on people in a similar degree. It's also sorely disappointing that you only hear from these people when they actually need something from you.

-It's pretty pathetic that I actually read the horoscope in Friendster almost everyday. I don't know if I'm looking for direction or a good laugh when I read those.

Too many thoughts to write it all down. I'll just leave it at that. I've been a little too publicly honest with this post. I'm a weirdo.


No comments: